“Gee, your cat is fat.”

Ugly Kids
 
“Gee, your kids are ugly.”

Don’t tell someone something they already know.

Bathroom Scale
Have some respect.

Do you really think the 400 pound person you’re talking to doesn’t already know they need to lose weight?

A thermos keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

Thermos Brain
 
But how does it know?

“Why don’t they just shoot the bad guys?”

Gunfight
 
“Because then it would be a much shorter movie.”

“I found it in the last place I looked.”

Detective with Magnifying Glass

“Really? You didn’t keep looking after that?”