The best description of a useless thing ever.

No Shit

“________ ain’t worth shit in a handbag.”

If you can think of anything more worthless, with as evocative a mental picture as that idiom, please share using the Submit Your Own form!

“She looks so natural.”

“Yes, she always did favor that horizontal mortuary look.”

In what situation could you say…

Kitten and Biscuits
“If a cat had kittens in the oven, you wouldn’t call’em biscuits, would ya?”

A ponderation for the aging.

Package of Medicine
Why do the manufacturers of arthritis medication packge it in hard‑to‑open containers?

— Anonymous

Don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.

STOPYou’ll get one of two possible responses:

Either the answer you get will be a lie, or it will be the truth you don’t want to hear.

You’re going to get hurt either way. Don’t go there.

“Gee, your cat is fat.”

Ugly Kids
“Gee, your kids are ugly.”

Don’t tell someone something they already know.

Bathroom Scale
Have some respect.

Do you really think the 400 pound person you’re talking to doesn’t already know they need to lose weight?

A thermos keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

Thermos Brain
But how does it know?

“Why don’t they just shoot the bad guys?”

“Because then it would be a much shorter movie.”

“I found it in the last place I looked.”

Detective with Magnifying Glass

“Really? You didn’t keep looking after that?”