Me: “Hello?” Spam guy: “Hello. I’m ‘Mark,’ and I’m calling from the Windows Technical Service office. We’ve detected a virus on your PC that is causing it to send multiple email addresses from your IP address. Are you at your computer?”
Me: “Yes.” Spam guy: “Please click on the “Start” button.”
Me: I can’t. Spam guy: “It’s in the lower left corner of your screen.”
Me: No, it’s not. Spam guy: It’s very important that we diagnose this problem. What do you see on your screen?”
Me: “The Mac toolbar.” Spam guy: “Excuse me?”
Me: “I don’t have a PC. I have a Mac.” Spam guy: “You don’t have any PCs?”
Me: “Nope.” Spam guy: “Let me transfer you to the Mac department.”
I have to get it to whoever thought this up. It combines the sleaziest aspects of both phone and computer spam “threats” to try to get you to give out confidential information that will give someone access to your computer.
The weather forecasters are calling for a chance of snow.
Just in case you’re not from around here, this is the southern equivalent to yelling, “Fire!” in a crowded movie theater.
If you haven’t already gone to the grocery store, there’s no point in going now. Hordes of panicked shoppers have already descended on the stores and emptied the shelves of all the basics: bread, milk, eggs, toilet paper, corn flakes, Mazola oil, rubber gloves.
You know who these people are, so if you need anything, you can always go borrow it from them.