So I walk into a restaurant with a friend.

The Walking Dead in MoonlightThe server asks:

“Just the two of you?”

Why? Are we supposed to have escorts? Do we look like more than two people?

Or there’s always,

“No. A group of the undead will be joining us shortly.”

“Did I wake you up?”

when the phone wakes you upThe phone rings. You blindly reach around until you find it, pick it up, and mumble, “Hello?”

“Oh, did I wake you up?” says the cheerful voice on the other end of the line. “I can call back later.”

“No, I’m fine,” you reply, while thinking:

“Yeah. Why don’t you call me back later so
you can wake me up again?”

When a bank reads minds.

exclamation markTo my companion, while trying to get to a bank on the other side of the street across a construction area:

“I wonder if we can get there from here?”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I had my answer. The bank had put up a sign on the corner of its lot that read:

“Yes, you can get here from there!”

Now that’s service!

A tip for getting rid of that annoying salesperson.

the sales cycleI really resent it when salespeople ask me leading questions. I looked for a long time for a quick, but polite, way to disarm them.

I found it when I heard this tip from a sales workshop:

“If you can get a prospective customer to answer, ‘Yes,’ to any question you ask, you’re more likely to make the sale.

Annoying Salesperson: “Don’t you want to save money on your wireless service?”

Me: “No.”

confused salespersonAnnoying Salesperson: “Don’t you want to pay less for your wireless service every month?”

(Obviously I didn’t understand the question the first time.)

Me: (In my most pleasant voice)
“No. I love my wireless provider. I consider the money I pay them every month to be a gift. I’d pay more if I could.

“Thank you, and have a nice day.”

Mission accomplished.

“Have you see the Sasquatch yet?”


“Not Yeti. But I did hear the Abdominal Snowman rumbling by.”

How to respond when your restaurant server asks you something absurd.

Restaurant Server

Sometimes when a server delivers the food to your table, he asks a question that makes you wonder if you’re supposed to eat the food after that.

I can deal well with, “Is there anything else I can get you?” or even “Does everything look okay?”

The one that finally got to me was:

“Did everything come out okay?”

I turned around to look over my shoulder, turned back, looked the server in the eye, and replied:

“I don’t know; it hasn’t come out yet.”

“Why don’t they just shoot the bad guys?”

“Because then it would be a much shorter movie.”